Kelly was a diver

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:44:27 GMT

Im starting to dislike a lot more and more people now.. but starting to feel more secure about myself than ever. Its taken me a good long while to get this far, and its been hella hard but Ive been confident and more sure with my life than I was years ago.. when I still talked to everyone on a regular basis.
I believe I have decided to temporarily [may lead to permanently] knock out some people from my life because they just bring me down when they're feeling upset or insecure with themselves. And I can be too sensitive to keep those people around. Im happy with my decisions and how I have been leading my own life lately, even if I act emo in my journal [thats what its for though.. to vent DUH] .. so I dont care for anyones opinions anymore.

I can say now that I know who I am. I know what I want to do. I know what Im going to be..

and I know its nothing close to what you expect.

I will not be updating this journal anymore really sooo..

see yaaa.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:52:36 GMT

so.. heres my first art show i will be in...
ill be known as "miss zombie"
not my idea though.. haha..

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:59:20 GMT

im fucking crazy depressed/confused/disappointed/paranoid/about to break down...

right now.

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 16:43:06 GMT

ehargh..

im so hungover.

im stupid. ive been drinking every single dayyy.

Im stressed out.
I broke up with Bobby about a week ago and hes all freaking out because he just came back from a wedding in FL and now is claiming that it made him open his eyes. Hes saying it made him think and now he knows for sure that he wants me to be his wife, the mother of his children and all that hibbity jibbity. I told him its a bit late. That hes said those kind of things to me before and never really seemed to stick by them. Every time I threaten him with a split up, he convinces me that he'll be that "better guy" and will treat me better.
And now since Ive been sticking to my decision, I think hes actually changing. I dont know. It hasnt been that long.. and I have that very strong feeling that if I take him back, he'll definately do what he always does.

Went to a lame fucking art show last nightaround 7. Bobbys stuff was the best stuff in there of course. He made about 95 dollars which is good. Scene kids eat that shit up. I was drunk the whole time though. I actually started drinking around 1ish I think. And it was fucking hot as hell.

We went to the Icehouse afterwards.. I got even more drunk.. and so did Courtney. We decided to leave after Courtney ended up crying in the bathroom while I was puking in there.

-sigh-

So much on my mind lately. Im having trouble figuring out what Im going to do about my jobs.

Currently Im still working at Save A Lot and Im supposed to be working maybe two days out of the week for the lady downstairs making 10 an hour.. cleaning houses around the Isle. And I actually just stopped going to Red and White.. and when I went to pick up my last paychecks they asked me to come back... EVEN after me not showing up and such. They said that I was a great worker and they liked me so they want me back. I could even choose if I want to work a day or two days or three.. anything.

Blah I dont know.
I just want to relax for once.

you know.. enjoy the island life while Im here.

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:19:55 GMT

I need a fucking computer.

I need a fucking computer.

I need a fucking computer.

I need a fucking computer.

I need a fucking new job.

So this lady came up to me yesterday at my work and asked me why I was stuck at such a place and gave me some number to call if I changed my mind about modeling.
pshaw.

I really do wish I had a computer with internet. That would be swell.

And... well... I dont know whats going on with people anymore. Its not fair x_x;

And it turns out my room mate is a piece of shit. I figured he'd turn out this way. What a fucking loser.
Next time he comes home drunk and screaming at my best friend, Im not holding it in.. someones going down.

Anyhoot.. off I go.. to home..

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 23:37:58 GMT

uh.. yes, well.. i havent been on here in a long ass time.

I dont have internet..and.. Im just oh so busy with.. other crap.

x.x;

I miss getting to just sit around online and talking to people.

<3

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 19:23:05 GMT

so I didnt even get IDed when I went to buy beer at 12 last night.

What a disappointment.

Oh well.. IM 21 NOW BI0TCHES!

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 23:37:36 GMT

I wish I was rich.

Why do bad things happen at the worst times?

Egh. I need moneyyyyyyyy

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 03:49:36 GMT

So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away till these rainy days that make them stay

I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Untill I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All I can see is all I know...

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 07:11:00 GMT

Yeah, I barely come here anymore.

My moms been cruising around in my new car with her friends.. using up all my gas and crap.

And my step dads also been using it to run errands.

This shit is seriously pissing me off. It was given to me by my grandmother for a reason.

For me to fucking drive it. Not them.

It really is irritating.

Anyone know the feeling?

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 19:40:11 GMT

no_defense's Halloween party:

aemsone dressed as Kurt Cobain.
angry_moses dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Flute of Flame, though it looked more like John Adams.
apathetic_blue dressed as a social coil.
bungeebot dressed as Benjamin Harrison.
chemikal dressed as a fullback for the Bengals.
crazypicasso dressed as the Marquis of Glenwood.
dismal_doll dressed as the Marquis of Hodneospoid.
fallenangel0112 dressed as a pimp.
fallenbohemian dressed as a evil human resources flunkie.
garageprincess didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
glitterxcandy dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
hobowobbler dressed as a DR&E & Co. Polluters, Ltd. employee.
iluv2laughatu dressed as a 1970's disco child.
imntththndd dressed as George Lucas riding a moose.
iringcmasterp dressed as Martha Stewart.
jewlls dressed as Oprah Winfrey.
kel_gone_wild dressed as a skeleton.
leadcrow dressed as a raccoon.
magical_sponge dressed as something suspicious, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
meanii dressed as your grandmother, and it suited them disturbingly well.
minorbassline dressed as a third baseman for the Expos.
miserableanger dressed as a entree.
munchkinzone86 dressed as the main character of "Hotel Rwanda", and it suited them disturbingly well.
no_defense dressed as a diplomat from Oman, and it suited them all too well.
obscuresque dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Fluffy Chickentush".
orgia dressed as Franklin Pierce.
peace_soup1023 dressed as Oprah Winfrey.
psychorubix didn't dress up, spoilsport.
rbbrdckie812 dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Joanne.
roving_vagabond dressed as a Level 14 sorcerer.
scaterdthoughts dressed as Patricia Heaton.
silent_casualty dressed as a blue mummy.
smileyizyalex dressed as the Brady Bunch -- all of them.
sublimexistance dressed as a hedgehog.
sweetagony dressed as a circumference.
talltina dressed as Uhura from "Star Trek".

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:10:05 GMT

Happy Halloween

And Melynda, I love you

n.n;

I wish I didnt have to work today ;__;

I love halloween so much. PEOPLE SHOULDNT BE MADE TO WORK ON SUCH WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS >O

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 06:44:55 GMT

Hmm.

Happy birthday, girl.

We miss you. Dearly.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 19:27:35 GMT

Today is One Year

One year I've been with that goof.....

The goof that I know I'll be with for more years and years...

I love you so much Bobby. You're always going to be the only one for me.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 20:00:01 GMT

Some are old..some are sorta recent..

Ugh..Im tired..just ran from here to the Art room and back..x.x

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 14:05:47 GMT

I still feel very violated about a certain person getting my password and going through my journal.

I've changed a lot of my passwords. I changed the password to this journal to a temporary password..but until I can actually get my computer working, Im keeping it.
I've also realized I've got to change the passwords to other things just in case. How can I not be paranoid? I hate it when people sit there and say I have no reason to be paranoid. If you've seen what I have seen, been through what I went through...then you wouldnt have the nerve to tell me I have no reason to be paranoid.
I mean..sometimes I guess I take it a bit far....closing the blinds everytime I walk through a room in my house, swearing to myself my friends are all saying stuff behind my back, assuming that whenever someones being nice to me..they really just want me to let my guard down so they can hurt me, having constant thoughts that Bobby's hiding stuff from me and is talking to other girls...always looking behind me whenever Im out somewhere. Theres many levels of my paranoia.
I cant help it.
I cant keep myself from having so much mistrust. In everyone and everything. I cant help but believe something bad is going to happen. I dont like being like this..but having it in my mind I will get hurt somehow, gives me at least a little bit of relief whenever I actually do get hurt.

But anyways...I figure..if you've got the password to my personal journal and went through it...what would stop you from going through my other stuff. So to be safe, Im changing all the passwords.
It really pissed me off. It still does.

Im sorry..
I meant to tell you this in an email, but seeing how I cant even get to my email and the only place I can visit on the schools computers is livejournal and such...I guess I'll tell you here. Because I know you read this.
You need to just let me go. I dont care what you think of me. We were great friends, I really enjoyed it...but you took it too far. Even when I let things slide after you apologized for some things you did that kinda got to me...you continued to take things far. Its better for us not to talk. I've tried pushing you away. I've tried being mean to you. I even gave in when a certain "plan" was brought up. But you still stick with how we should be friends and how much of a great person I am. Im not even great. I've been a bitch to you. Its best that we dont talk. I never liked you more than a friend. Yet you seem so infatuated with me..even when you claimed you were going to keep those feelings out of the way. And I never liked it whenever you would try and I guess "talk me out of" dating the guys I dated just because you knew they'd hurt me or because you loved me more than they did. I knew they would hurt me but everyone needs to learn. And I was interested in having something with them, even if it wouldnt last. Bobby dont even like me talking to you. I think it would be best anyways. For the both of us. I think you need to let me go and move on. It shouldnt be that hard. Im sorry. Just leave me alone, please.

I've disabled comments so people wouldnt dare to make stupid comments.

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 21:29:02 GMT

You Are the Individualist

4

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.

You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.

You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.

Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious.
A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host.
You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all.
Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform.
Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

What Planet Are You From?

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 21:06:26 GMT

Now I have to change my passwords because of you. It probly wont help though because you'll probly end up getting my new passwords.

When you have my password and go through my stuff...it is fucking invasion of privacy.

I have a right to limit view of my words, my thoughts to certain people. And when you're not in that group....dont fucking try and invade it. Its just not right.

</small>
Leave me alone.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 13:30:31 GMT

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 22:26:05 GMT

LiveJournal Pool Party... by America_Mamushi
Username
Age
Favorite Color
Decided to take off their clothes	no_defense
Ate to many cheetos before getting in	iluv2laughatu
Was thrown in with their clothes on	apathetic_blue
Spilled their pop in the pool	scaterdthoughts
Peed in the pool	leadcrow

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Livejournal School (classmates and such) by kellbi
username
The Popular classmate	scaterdthoughts
The quiet classmate	silent_exile
The talkative classmate	fallenbohemian
The class clown	iluv2laughatu
The nerd of the class	jewlls
The Special-Ed classmate	aemsone
The bitch everyone hates	iringcmasterp
The slut	munchkinzone86
The Constant sleeper	garageprincess
The kid who eats the glue	glitterxcandy
The Course	Chemistry

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Livejournal - Stranded On A Desert Island from A Shipwreck by kellbi
username
The person to die first	jewlls
Makes coconuts their minions	fallenbohemian
The person who eats their own foot	sweetagony
Tries to swim to civilization and dies	glitterxcandy
The Movie Star	silent_exile
The Professor	munchkinzone86
Finds the conch	crazypicasso
Finds the rum..and lives off of it	magical_sponge
Makes fire out of the rum, attempting to get help	aemsone
Whores themselves to the rest of the shipwrecked	apathetic_blue
Gets crabs from playing in the sand o.o;	garageprincess

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 21:37:10 GMT

How much do your LJ friends love you? by ladybugadria
username
age
choose one
loves you lots	sweetagony
thinks of you as their best friend	obscuresque
pretends to like you	miserableanger
wants to move your relationship to the next level	crazypicasso
wants you in bed	chemikal
Loves your quirkiness	leadcrow
desperately loves to read your journal	aemsone
Loves you more than you know	scaterdthoughts
thinks you are stange	angry_moses

Quiz created with MemeGen!

haha..these are funny

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 12:54:48 GMT

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 19:07:16 GMT

Just to let ALL of you know....

[this is not directed to anyone in particular so no one get offended]

I am in a fucking horrible mood. I dont mean the norm bad day kind....

I mean the kind that makes me want to blow my fucking own god damn brains out horrible mood. The kind where Im on complete edge, one foot dangling over the side.

So if you plan on talking to me...

watch what you fucking say.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 12:38:48 GMT

I fixed up my layout finally.

Ill probly work on it more another time to make it better.

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 00:08:47 GMT

You have an intense kiss! You and your partner
connect when you kiss and you forget about the
rest of the world. Hey, call me!!! ^_~

What anime kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My mom brings home food for everyone but me >/

fucking god damnit.

And Im using that picture in an icon