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[01 Apr 2009|05:26pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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music |
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management - electric feel |
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Im starting to dislike a lot more and more people now.. but starting to feel more secure about myself than ever. Its taken me a good long while to get this far, and its been hella hard but Ive been confident and more sure with my life than I was years ago.. when I still talked to everyone on a regular basis.
I believe I have decided to temporarily [may lead to permanently] knock out some people from my life because they just bring me down when they're feeling upset or insecure with themselves. And I can be too sensitive to keep those people around. Im happy with my decisions and how I have been leading my own life lately, even if I act emo in my journal [thats what its for though.. to vent DUH] .. so I dont care for anyones opinions anymore.
I can say now that I know who I am. I know what I want to do. I know what Im going to be..
and I know its nothing close to what you expect.
I will not be updating this journal anymore really sooo..
see yaaa.
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[19 Feb 2009|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Dirty Laundry - Bitter Sweet |
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so.. heres my first art show i will be in...
ill be known as "miss zombie"
not my idea though.. haha..
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[19 Aug 2007|09:58pm] |
im fucking crazy depressed/confused/disappointed/paranoid/about to break down...
right now.
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[07 Jul 2007|12:23pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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ehargh..
im so hungover.
im stupid. ive been drinking every single dayyy.
Im stressed out.
I broke up with Bobby about a week ago and hes all freaking out because he just came back from a wedding in FL and now is claiming that it made him open his eyes. Hes saying it made him think and now he knows for sure that he wants me to be his wife, the mother of his children and all that hibbity jibbity. I told him its a bit late. That hes said those kind of things to me before and never really seemed to stick by them. Every time I threaten him with a split up, he convinces me that he'll be that "better guy" and will treat me better.
And now since Ive been sticking to my decision, I think hes actually changing. I dont know. It hasnt been that long.. and I have that very strong feeling that if I take him back, he'll definately do what he always does.
Went to a lame fucking art show last nightaround 7. Bobbys stuff was the best stuff in there of course. He made about 95 dollars which is good. Scene kids eat that shit up. I was drunk the whole time though. I actually started drinking around 1ish I think. And it was fucking hot as hell.
We went to the Icehouse afterwards.. I got even more drunk.. and so did Courtney. We decided to leave after Courtney ended up crying in the bathroom while I was puking in there.
-sigh-
So much on my mind lately. Im having trouble figuring out what Im going to do about my jobs.
Currently Im still working at Save A Lot and Im supposed to be working maybe two days out of the week for the lady downstairs making 10 an hour.. cleaning houses around the Isle. And I actually just stopped going to Red and White.. and when I went to pick up my last paychecks they asked me to come back... EVEN after me not showing up and such. They said that I was a great worker and they liked me so they want me back. I could even choose if I want to work a day or two days or three.. anything.
Blah I dont know.
I just want to relax for once.
you know.. enjoy the island life while Im here.
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[30 Mar 2007|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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I need a fucking computer.
I need a fucking computer.
I need a fucking computer.
I need a fucking computer.
I need a fucking new job.
So this lady came up to me yesterday at my work and asked me why I was stuck at such a place and gave me some number to call if I changed my mind about modeling.
pshaw.
I really do wish I had a computer with internet. That would be swell.
And... well... I dont know whats going on with people anymore. Its not fair x_x;
And it turns out my room mate is a piece of shit. I figured he'd turn out this way. What a fucking loser.
Next time he comes home drunk and screaming at my best friend, Im not holding it in.. someones going down.
Anyhoot.. off I go.. to home..
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[11 Jan 2007|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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rushed |
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uh.. yes, well.. i havent been on here in a long ass time.
I dont have internet..and.. Im just oh so busy with.. other crap.
x.x;
I miss getting to just sit around online and talking to people.
<3
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[21 Oct 2006|03:22pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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so I didnt even get IDed when I went to buy beer at 12 last night.
What a disappointment.
Oh well.. IM 21 NOW BI0TCHES!
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[23 Jun 2006|07:36pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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I wish I was rich.
Why do bad things happen at the worst times?
Egh. I need moneyyyyyyyy
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[07 Feb 2006|10:45pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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music |
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Azure Ray - November |
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So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away till these rainy days that make them stay
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Untill I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All I can see is all I know...
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[10 Jan 2006|02:08am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Yeah, I barely come here anymore.
My moms been cruising around in my new car with her friends.. using up all my gas and crap.
And my step dads also been using it to run errands.
This shit is seriously pissing me off. It was given to me by my grandmother for a reason.
For me to fucking drive it. Not them.
It really is irritating.
Anyone know the feeling?
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[02 Nov 2005|02:39pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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A Perfect Circle - Thinking Of You |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) no_defense's Halloween party:
aemsone dressed as Kurt Cobain.
angry_moses dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Flute of Flame, though it looked more like John Adams.
apathetic_blue dressed as a social coil.
bungeebot dressed as Benjamin Harrison.
chemikal dressed as a fullback for the Bengals.
crazypicasso dressed as the Marquis of Glenwood.
dismal_doll dressed as the Marquis of Hodneospoid.
fallenangel0112 dressed as a pimp.
fallenbohemian dressed as a evil human resources flunkie.
garageprincess didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
glitterxcandy dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
hobowobbler dressed as a DR&E & Co. Polluters, Ltd. employee.
iluv2laughatu dressed as a 1970's disco child.
imntththndd dressed as George Lucas riding a moose.
iringcmasterp dressed as Martha Stewart.
jewlls dressed as Oprah Winfrey.
kel_gone_wild dressed as a skeleton.
leadcrow dressed as a raccoon.
magical_sponge dressed as something suspicious, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
meanii dressed as your grandmother, and it suited them disturbingly well.
minorbassline dressed as a third baseman for the Expos.
miserableanger dressed as a entree.
munchkinzone86 dressed as the main character of "Hotel Rwanda", and it suited them disturbingly well.
no_defense dressed as a diplomat from Oman, and it suited them all too well.
obscuresque dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Fluffy Chickentush".
orgia dressed as Franklin Pierce.
peace_soup1023 dressed as Oprah Winfrey.
psychorubix didn't dress up, spoilsport.
rbbrdckie812 dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Joanne.
roving_vagabond dressed as a Level 14 sorcerer.
scaterdthoughts dressed as Patricia Heaton.
silent_casualty dressed as a blue mummy.
smileyizyalex dressed as the Brady Bunch -- all of them.
sublimexistance dressed as a hedgehog.
sweetagony dressed as a circumference.
talltina dressed as Uhura from "Star Trek".
Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense
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[31 Oct 2005|03:09pm] |
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mood |
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rushed |
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music |
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Depeche Mode - Precious |
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Happy Halloween
And Melynda, I love you
n.n;
I wish I didnt have to work today ;__;
I love halloween so much. PEOPLE SHOULDNT BE MADE TO WORK ON SUCH WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS >O
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[22 Sep 2005|02:43am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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Hmm.
Happy birthday, girl.
We miss you. Dearly.
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[29 Jan 2005|02:17pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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Today is One Year
One year I've been with that goof.....
The goof that I know I'll be with for more years and years...
I love you so much Bobby. You're always going to be the only one for me.
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[08 Dec 2004|08:53am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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I still feel very violated about a certain person getting my password and going through my journal.
I've changed a lot of my passwords. I changed the password to this journal to a temporary password..but until I can actually get my computer working, Im keeping it.
I've also realized I've got to change the passwords to other things just in case. How can I not be paranoid? I hate it when people sit there and say I have no reason to be paranoid. If you've seen what I have seen, been through what I went through...then you wouldnt have the nerve to tell me I have no reason to be paranoid.
I mean..sometimes I guess I take it a bit far....closing the blinds everytime I walk through a room in my house, swearing to myself my friends are all saying stuff behind my back, assuming that whenever someones being nice to me..they really just want me to let my guard down so they can hurt me, having constant thoughts that Bobby's hiding stuff from me and is talking to other girls...always looking behind me whenever Im out somewhere. Theres many levels of my paranoia.
I cant help it.
I cant keep myself from having so much mistrust. In everyone and everything. I cant help but believe something bad is going to happen. I dont like being like this..but having it in my mind I will get hurt somehow, gives me at least a little bit of relief whenever I actually do get hurt.
But anyways...I figure..if you've got the password to my personal journal and went through it...what would stop you from going through my other stuff. So to be safe, Im changing all the passwords.
It really pissed me off. It still does.
( You know who you are )
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[22 Nov 2004|04:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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irate |
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Now I have to change my passwords because of you. It probly wont help though because you'll probly end up getting my new passwords.
When you have my password and go through my stuff...it is fucking invasion of privacy.
I have a right to limit view of my words, my thoughts to certain people. And when you're not in that group....dont fucking try and invade it. Its just not right.
</small>
Leave me alone.
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[12 Nov 2004|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 geeky |
] |
( Im a rebel )
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